it's kinda depressing day...as I got out of bed at 7am...I couldn't stop crying...today's the day we put my baby, Chinu down...I know everyone must be wondering how can I put down a dog who just gave birth...truth is, she is really sick and the doctor suspected she had cancer...it's amazing that her kids turned out fine...even as she gave birth, I could feel her giving up half way...I kept on procrastinating the whole thing...I just didn't wanna let her go...finally I made the decision to put her down and to end her suffering...

I remember the 1st time she came to stay with my family...didn't like her much as she always bullied Lassy, my other dog...

when I moved out, Chinu fell very sick and I had to bring her to the vet...didn't want to but I did anywayz...brought her to my place to stay and subsequently after that, I started loving her...she would always wait for me to come home before she eats and loves to go out w/o the leash...she's a lovable creature and would always sleep in the bed with me...if I were to go out and not tell her, she would show her irritation by peeing all over the house...

she used to irritate and yet be so special to me at the same time...she loved my Narnia blanket...I gave it to her to keep her warm and even bought her a little bed...which she hardly used as she was on my bed...she was the one who would keep me company on dark nights and moments...whenever I would breakdown, she would stop whatever she would be and she would come over and sit in my place and look at me...it was as though she was telling me that she would be with me no matter what...she was always there for me...when I flunked my exams or even failed an assignment...the simple gesture of placing her paw on me made me feel so good...days when I fight with my dad and the rest of the world...she had always been there for me...

When she gave birth, I was with her holding her paw assuring her that I will be there for her...

She would love to run in the field but would always look back to see whether I would be there for her...

She always looked for assurance from me and my family members...she was a special creature...

Things got worse after she gave birth...she became terribly sick....

this morning when I carried her, it was as though she knew she was going to sleep forever...I wrapped her in her Narnia blanket and for once, she didn't struggle...even during the cab ride to the vet's...she was calm and composed...I hugged her tightly and she sighed loudly...I told her that I love her and she nuzzled her wet nose against my cheek..The vet asked me whether I wanted to see her go and I told her no...I started crying even before I stepped out of the room...my mom was there with me and she comforted me telling me that Chinu is going go to a better place...I couldn't see her for the last time...I always want to remember her as the pet that I grew to love and gave me pleasure in her simple way...

I believe she is in a happy place...playing with all her friends and her parents as well...she's looking down at me and is telling me that I am happy...

will be collecting her ashes in 2 weeks time...don't know whether I should throw it in the sea or should I keep it...mom tells me that we should scatter her ashes into the sea...I was shocked when my mom cried as well...my mom's the stronger one...I am emotionally weak...

She has left behind memories and she has made me into a person who can love once again...